Our priceless Prince

I only have one comment –

Harry, your ass shines out of our Sun. Party on dude.

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Mine de gap

At Bethnal Green underground station on the Central Line there is a platform announcer with the most wonderful attitude in his voice. I don’t know if that’s an acceptable terminology but if it isn’t, then I just invented it. His tuneful, and I really do mean tuneful, announcing brings a smile to my face each morning he’s there. He virtually sings his announcements and would shame some of the current ‘pop’ stars with his melodic voice.

Maybe Gary Barlow could write a tune called ‘Mind the Gap’ in his honour? LOL

J

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Travelympics

Well the big event came and went without anything like the fuss and furore that was hyped up by various agencies as far as travel in London was concerned.

On Monday, the commuting was back to normal and the trains, over and underground, had the regular number of folk for a weekday. This morning however, a noticeable lack of peeps. What’s happened today to make them stay off the trains? Anyone got any clues?

Or was it just that aftershave again? OK, sorry about that.

And now, in 12 days time, it’s all happening again. The Paralympics. Same sort of stuff but by people with some sort of disability.

So here’s another possible issue. Is my train going to be full of wheelchairs? Not that I have any issues with disabled people but I do hope they don’t expect to be treated any differently (OK, I’ll exclude the wheelchair ramp thingy that they need for the train).

Well, we’ll see. And, dear reader, I will attempt to keep you up to date with proceedings during the coming days.

J

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My American friend’s view on joining the military

I am over 50 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists.You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry.’

We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell.

Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch. If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however…

I’ve been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.  Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten, coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50…in menopause!!!  You think MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh  my God!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They’ll have it secured the first night!

If you copy and send this to your senior friends make sure it’s in big type so they can read it.

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Assassination attempt!

I really didn’t know I’d upset people so much with my blog.

On Sunday last I was the victim of a failed (Duh, obviously) assassination attempt.

Well, it was either that or a bit of atrocious driving by a coach driver who, despite my Harley Davidson being VERY loud, quite large (and it’s got a 6’ 2” bloke on it) and quite well lit (I had all the bright blue running lights on), failed to see me as he drove down the slip road and into my lane on the M25 on Sunday morning. I had cause to brake very sharply to avoid being pushed into the next lane and into the path of other traffic. The company concerned is called Bayliss Executive Travel (just in case you want to avoid a company with bad driving tactics)

The company has since had a phone call from my very irate daughter and the driver has admitted not seeing me (!) and apologised on the phone to her.

Hey, ho, the trials and tribulations of being a bike rider.

J

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WHAT a let-down!

I left my office in Central London a bit later (an hour) yesterday and was dismayed to see ……………………. no-one!

No crowds of tourists/supporters at Stratford. No shouts of ‘move down the carriage’ like there is normally on the overground. No hissing and spitting people who can’t hear each other anyway cos they’ve all got earplugs/headphones on.

Just a few foreigners who sat down and must have wondered what the hell Boris and LOCOG are going on about.

Unfortunately, as described in the press, the really negative impression given by those two has had a major impact on central and western London and trade is down. Still, at least I don’t have to queue for my sandwich at lunchtime because the shop is empty.

J

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Going slightly red for the Olmypics (‘In joke’)

Day 2 of the Olmypic (☺) commute.

And true to form TfL (Transport for London) are back to normal – in fact, better than normal – with this mornings announcement that – the whole Central Line is busted!

For those that aren’t familiar with the intricacies of the London Tube network and the Olmypic (snigger) Park I’ll explain. The main Olympic venue is in Stratford. Stratford is served by an Overground system (which tends to run OK) and an Underground system made up of the Jubilee, the Central and the DLR (Docklands Light Railway) lines. The main line into Central London is the, duh!, Central Line. If you need to get from London to Stratford, as many are aiming to do over this and the next few days, you’d use the Central Line.

If you want to upset commuters, tourists and maybe even some people that might like to watch Olympic events, shut the Central Line. Like this morning. No Central Line.

TfL, you are having a laugh aren’t you? Way to go guys! That’ll impress everyone won’t it?

Tourists etc., today you actually have my sympathy.

J ☺

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